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We were conditioned for so long to be invisible. I’d never met another trans person - well, of course I have, we’re everywhere, but I didn’t think I had. Honestly, until the year before, I thought we were all complete unicorns. It was really profound to walk into a place and be in a room of dozens of other people who were transgender. I went to a group called Transgender and Queer Social.
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I started really thinking, specifically, about gender and myself.Īustin, TX, where I live now, has been a really affirming place for me, and the trans community is strong and resilient and welcoming. That’s when I finally found language and started to give myself space to explore and when I did, it all came into focus very, very quickly. Then, in 2009, I finally decided to do a little research. So I did a really good job of repressing it. It just felt like wanting to be a girl, and I think because I grew up in the ’70s and ’80s, it felt wrong. I knew I was different as a child and in adolescence - there were a lot of things that didn’t add up for me about gender, but I simply had no words for it. “I have always been transgender for as long as anyone has known me, but I think the difference is it took me a long time to find the language and understand what it means to be trans. Here, ten people of all ages from around the world tell Refinery29 their own queer origin stories, which include everything from social media platforms to crushes and kisses to the musical Fun Home. But what does connect us is the fact that we all had such awkward, joyful, lonely, and poetic experiences figuring out who we are. In the way of details, very little unifies our collective coming out stories. Not every queer person obsessively reread Chapter 10 of Pretty Little Liars at age 11 or reblogged infinite Orange is the New Black GIFs on Tumblr circa 2014 before one day calling their parents - drunk, heartbroken, and seated on the grimy floor outside a college dorm party - because they maybe, sort of, had very overwhelming and confusing feelings for a girl on the other side of the cinderblock wall. This, of course, was not a universal experience. Every trip, I’d reach for that same bright yellow book and flip to Emily and Maya’s almost-kiss near a waterfall. When I was in sixth grade, I would go to the bookstore with my mom, and while she hunted down bestsellers for her book club, I’d hide out in the “Teen Series” section.
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